reaked / destressed!

today started off pretty badly. first, was late for class with zul. despite knowing the fact that we're already L-A-T-E, we still can buy bubble tea and happily waited for our drink. then, what happened next was such a bad luck. its retribution for sneaking in yam milk tea into the studio and the whole half full cup of yam milk tea spilled in my beg! xujgduguxbicuasg!
things that were in my beg:
1-laptop!
2-hardisk!
3-sheep pencil box (the whole part of its head was 'dyed' with brown milk tea)
4-my handphone
5-technical drawing pens and stuffs
6-rolled A3 size floor plan!
7-lanyard with keys and thumdrive attached!
8-copic markers
9-scale rule
10-files with papers and notes!
11-organizer
12-my A4 sketch book
13-laptop chargers, mouse, earpiece, modem..
14-my purse! (i drench my $10 note!)
15-contact lense case..... etc..
damn it! i quickly rushed to the handicap toilet and started washing my bags and other stuffs especially my sheep pencil case. everything was raked with yam milk tea! arghhh!!! saidsgxuiacjbcgjdasjbawu!!!!! i spend almost 45 minutes drying up my stuffs before going back to the studio. tanx ehh.. however, after that, my classmates and i had this 'destressed' moment whereby we created our own video during studio lesson! it was hilarious! too bad the files too big to upload. :( had fun after a yammy atrocious day. till here!

i never have a thing for u.

because its killing me to continue to have one.
and i really need get things sort out between myself that i can NEVER be with u and u, aren't for me. so, lets just stick as friends and to tell u the truth, i am stupid enough to ever think that u are the perfect one that never fails to put a smile on my face and too bad, u tarnished it and that my thoughts are clear now, and i've made up my mind. i will just be me and for ur info, i've quit trying since the moment when i realized that u weren't there when i needed u the most in such a crucial time. so, like i said millions of times, u just stay as far away from me. i need the distance now until i found the courage to say " u are my past and never will be part of my future. i am SO OVER U."

we were always meant to say goodbye.

because i am lost in words to explain where it goes wrong and why in the first place i put myself in such a spot. and i assumed that what i decided before was the best for me only to know that i ended up walking alone in the late night without ur company which i really need.
u are supposed to be what i am proud of having and it seems that u are just another bad option that i've opted and disappointment is covering me up- again. like i said before, u just stay where u are and stop being nice to me because i have no more strength to spare for another hurtful battle and i have enough pain to bear. so, please, just stay as far away as possible. because i know that one day i am sure will get over u and time is all i need to heal.

down.

lethargic. depressed. stressed.
i am freaking tired and worn out. with my assignments piling up and assessments around the corner, and mama in the hospital, i am seriously under tons of depressions!
urgghh! i just hate the feeling! plus, my mind just can't get off u. u, u hurt me the most. just u, being u, make me go insane having to spare a thought about u in my hectic life and it can't seems to be avoided. how could u be so cruel and did not show any concern when i am really in need of it? i bet u dun even care. its pretty obvious that i am not that important. and u wanna noe what? u can go on and live ur life the way it is now and i'll just sit here and watch how it goes. because, giving up is the only way out for me now. to think back, why must i think about u when u dun even deserve a thing from me.

latest update:
mama was out of the operating theater at 1510hrs and since then, my eyes keep getting watery and i can't hold back my tears every now and then. looking at mama so weak and pale and knowing that she isn't responding well for her operation kills me. GET WELL SOON MAMA.

lethargic.

chai chee to simei to chai chee to bugis to simei to chai chee to simei to pasir ris to simei to chaichee back. that is my daily routine as from last wednesday night. since mama was warded, i have been skipping many classes and i have a major "missing the classmates" madness and whats more major i that i am losing more and more of my precious sleep!

when shikin meets a wheelchair, we always ended up with sumthing!

and to mama:
i miss u so much! i miss all the cat fights that we had before sleep and those stupid jokes u cracked up before we finally fell asleep facing each other every night. and i really miss having pillow fights with u and sharing one blanket and u keep complaining that i took up 85% of it. get well soon and we can continue our late night story. love u loads mama!

WARMEST APPRECIATIONS TO:
1. Nafa Zul
2.Nafa Vanessa
3.Nafa Iqa
4.Siti Roziana
5.nadiah etp
6.siti norashikin
7.hidayah etp
8.nazrul etp
9.shafiq etp
10.cik ani and family
11. mama yaya and family
12.granny
13.kak azirah (sis-in-law to-be)
14.all the other external family members
15.all of the colleagues of mama
16.syuk etp
17.liyan etp
18.peiwen etp
19.pei shi etp
20.abang im etp
21.all the nurses at ward 16.
22.syafiqah coral
23.amalina coral
24.mira coral
25.zainul coral
26. mr. .............
thank u all so much for ur care and concerns for mama. thank u.

missing my mama.

just got home from the hospital and eventhough am very very very lethargic and sleepy, my eyes refused to let me rest. i am restless thinking about mama, who is now i bet fighting the pain on her. i seriously can't stop shedding my tears. i miss mama and i want her right beside me now.

PLEASE MAKE MY MAMA FEEL BETTER.

i doesn't want to leave mama's bed just now but i was forced to by the nurses and also abang as its already 1 in the morning. i hate to wave mama goodbye. :( i can't wait for tomorrow to come so that i can visit mama. for now, i miss u mama. love u. GET WELL SOON ok ma. love u.

THIS IS MY BLOODY DAMN BLOG! MINE!!!!!

F.Y.I:
i am freaking fucking suffocated with all the things that i can or cannot post. read the headlines!
ITS MY BLOG. MINE!!!!!
what i wanna say, what i wanna post, what i wanna rant, what i wanna do, its my freaking bloody asshole business. like seriously, tell me why can't i post and say what i want? to make u happy? that is like what the hell. ehh, please eh, i have all the rights in the world to blog about what i want and what i think ok. u, not happy, then like i said, DON'T BOTHER READING!
and yes, i will talk to whoever is not happy straight in the face and i WILL ensure that u have 99 reasons on why i can't post anything that i want. in the first place, why do u even care to read my blog? does ur life consists of me? becos mine doesn't consists u even a single bit! and, YES! its u that i am talking about. i noe u noe who u are and yes, i will clarify with u and after all this, u can hate me for all i care and this is gonna be the last post u can ever read. becos after this, i wish u luck to go dig out where this blog gonna be. please, we bloggers are NOT COWARDS because we PUBLICIZED what we wanna say and if u are not coward and professional enough, go get urself a blog and shoot back! got it?? and dun go around asking people to speak on ur behalf because, that is the REAL DEFINITION OF A COWARD. and dun bother ringing me becos i have no time to entertain such anger. so, thank u.