wavehouse.

ok.. again like finally i managed to finish up this post which have been in my drafts for so longggg. ok, back on track, went to the wavehouse to support hui li for her seventeen summer beach babe/hunk comp and it was a nice finish :) congratulations to HUI LI!!!

and this pretty lady, aishah of course :) damn u aishah! hahaha.. 50 bucks just like that!

well, it was nice and the weather was perfectly hot and the ambiance was fine. i do enjoyed myself except at one particular moment which i do not wish to elaborate so as to not spoil my blog post.. just a little reminder, dun go around cutting people's conversations. thank u.

DON'T ASK ME WHAT HE IS DOING AND WHO IS DOING IT WITH!

and lastly, we do have a whole lot of 'free tanning'. i'm not dark enuff meh?? hehe.. till he next one people! *wink*

like finally...almost finally..

its been like ages since the last update. many things happened and changed. some were expected and some happened just as i wanted it to be.
on the 10th june, boyfriend and i freed ourselves from work and went on a "so long never do this" date :) although some things weren't meant to happen but stubbornly did happened, i still am proud to announce that I HAVE TAKEN THE SINGAPORE FLYER! hehe.. like FINALLY!

well, its a 'present' from my favourite boy on our 6th month :) oh ya, thank u:) :) :)
the scenes were just breath taking! it was indeed a nice surprise.

and another surprise was on 6th june. well, i NEVER expected that i would be going out the WHOLE DAY to the SAME PLACE in the SAME CAR eating on the SAME TABLE and chatting around with HIS FAMILY! because, all i know is that his family does not know that i exist! like i swear!

ok, cut a long story short, we went to watch his sister's tertiary silat competition at persisi together with his family, his colleague (which is sometimes mine also) and his buddy din. spent the whole day there and i swear i love watching silat because its just entertaining and engaging. nice. ok, i think that its either god answered my prayer or he is just secretly reading my blog.

because, all i ever wanted have been fulfilled on the 6th june. so, is this guy in his favourite striped shirt have been reading my blog? hmmm... i wonder. it was unexpected! but still, i thank god for granting all my prayers. Alhamdulillah :)

well, even so, although i went out with his mum and all, they still do not know who i really am. all they know is that i am the colleague of their second son. but still, i am thankful that at least what i want have become what i once wanted.

and yes, not forgetting, his family.

p.s:
i guess and i hope this is just the best beginning because i dun really feel like i am the other girl anymore.

truth is..

i have always wanted to tell the whole world that i am attached to u.
because: i am proud of it.

i have always wanted us to be just like other couples at work that sits together and not ashamed to show others how they are so affectionate about each other.
because: i never had one before.

i have always wanted to put our picture together as a profile picture but i know i can't.
because: i am afraid u won't like it.

i have always wanted to change my status so that all my friends and yours and ours knows about us but i know i will have to wait.
because: i am sure that will make u uncomfortable.

i have always wanted u to hold my hands infront of others but it sometimes never happen.
because: i felt secured when u do so and i know u dun like it at times.

i have always wanted u to sit beside me and enjoy working the same station with me but i know u hates it because u told me before.
because: i enjoy being around u.

i have always wanted u to say "i love u" infront of others, but i know its gonna be hard. i understand.
because: i love it so much when u said that to me and i want others to know.

i have always wanted to know your family but i know that won't take place so soon and i am willing to wait.
because: i want to feel how it feels like to be a part of u.

above all, i have always wanted u to love me like i love u..

all i ever wanted..

i can't put myself to bed even how hard i tried.
no matter how sleepy i am.
no matter how heavy my eyelids are, i just can't.
because your last sentence is still replaying and kept replaying in my mind.
its so clear and loud and piercing.

dear boyfriend,
have u ever once wonder what i really want from u?
have u ever once wonder how i felt after everything u said that go against what i did?
have u ever once think of me in the midst of your day?
have u ever once wonder how i felt after everytime we fought?
have u ever once love me like i love u?
have u ever once wonder what i might be needing most from u?
i wish u had.

when u send me home just now, i was so happy that at least in our busy schedule, we still have time to spend with each other, although its just on the way home. even a minute alone with u is a luxury to me. but, that only went on for awhile.. i never thought that u are capable of hurting me the way u did just now. even before this u hurt me and i cried buckets, it wasn't the same hurt like i felt just now. it hurts badly that i did not shed a tear because it just hurt so bad even to just think about it..

i meant good. i just wanted to help because i want to be your best girlfriend ever. i want to be the one that u can rely on so much that i am willing to go the extra mile to help u in any way. and all i ever expected in return is just an appreciation. maybe, thats too much to ask for i guess.. your words hurts me the most. i never thought or once imagined that those hurtful words would come from the person i love more that my own life. maybe, i am overdoing things. my part, i am sorry. i promise, it'll never happen again for i learn yet another lesson.

one thing,
am i part of your life or am i just the other girl?