let it slide.

i am terribly tired. am too tired that i can't even bring myself to think properly.
been having sleepless nights and in the past five days, i am amazed with myself that i slept for barely seven hours. all thanks to assessments and projects.
and after all the sweats, every seconds that my eyes tried to open up and stay vigil to complete those tasks so as to meet up with the datelines, its all worthless!
here come vacation modules! and i swear i don't deserve this. people should at least be thankful for the times that were wasted just for craps. i shall not elaborate more.

TOTALLY TIRED OF GIVING IN.
and, that is the dominant reason on why i am giving up.
i mentioned this alot of times- i know.
whatever that happened and happens to me, i will just blow up upon myself.
even to the extend that my own flesh and blood brought me down.
stay quiet and still being able to smile and swallow the pain is beyond words description, but i still pulled it through.
friends? i have an enormous circles of it, but, the painful part is that, i can count the ones that really are friends with my fingers and still have some to spare. amazing huh?
or i should say amusing. nothing should be surprised at. its normal.
i bet even u people out here can count your friends, put aside 'friends'.
because, true friends are the ones who don't make use of u.
and they stick with u through thick and thins. through rain and shine. through dark and brights.
and no matter how rocky your road going to be in the future, they will be with u -still.
and friends are the ones who doesn't see u as an item which they can use to kill their time when they're bored or have no idea what to do and see u as an instant thing.
that, is actually the ones that u should just smile and faking yourselves to.
why? because they are also faking the kind of friend they see in u.
i bet u people out there have came across this circumstances whereby, a 'friend' finds u and being such an adorable asshole when they have no one to talk to or maybe they needed your help and when they have somebody else or even someone else to spend time with, they will just ignore u and poof when missing when just a few moments before, u seen him/her.
and yes. that person should be labeled as an asshole mother fucker.
to think back, why do i still entertain people like this?
simple. because i know how it feels like when u are abandoned when u have no one and when u go to someone for company and that person just shrugged u off. the feeling is atrocious.
and i believe in karma and vice versa. that is why i still go on and be friends with u and i am sincere in doing it.
and, when u are sincere in your friendship, u don't keep anything from your friend because friendship means trust and trust is sharing. no doubt about that. and just so u know, i am sincere in all my build friendships and that is why, even the slightest things that any friend kept from me or even lied to me, i know. maybe not know as in know but, know as in a wake up call for me to stop being stupid. stop hoping that it will change someday cause, YOU NEVER CHANGE. NEVER. and that is my new believe.

and that is the reason why i am giving up. for the final time, i am giving up and just going to let it slide just because....
but, as i said, i am sincere in my friendships and that is why u can come to me still if u think u need my help and feel bored. no worries. i am used to it. and please, to whoever who read this, don't bother ringing and bugging me, asking who is this meant for and asking me "is it me" because i am not entertaining those questions. why not just ask yourselves.