all i ever wanted..

i can't put myself to bed even how hard i tried.
no matter how sleepy i am.
no matter how heavy my eyelids are, i just can't.
because your last sentence is still replaying and kept replaying in my mind.
its so clear and loud and piercing.

dear boyfriend,
have u ever once wonder what i really want from u?
have u ever once wonder how i felt after everything u said that go against what i did?
have u ever once think of me in the midst of your day?
have u ever once wonder how i felt after everytime we fought?
have u ever once love me like i love u?
have u ever once wonder what i might be needing most from u?
i wish u had.

when u send me home just now, i was so happy that at least in our busy schedule, we still have time to spend with each other, although its just on the way home. even a minute alone with u is a luxury to me. but, that only went on for awhile.. i never thought that u are capable of hurting me the way u did just now. even before this u hurt me and i cried buckets, it wasn't the same hurt like i felt just now. it hurts badly that i did not shed a tear because it just hurt so bad even to just think about it..

i meant good. i just wanted to help because i want to be your best girlfriend ever. i want to be the one that u can rely on so much that i am willing to go the extra mile to help u in any way. and all i ever expected in return is just an appreciation. maybe, thats too much to ask for i guess.. your words hurts me the most. i never thought or once imagined that those hurtful words would come from the person i love more that my own life. maybe, i am overdoing things. my part, i am sorry. i promise, it'll never happen again for i learn yet another lesson.

one thing,
am i part of your life or am i just the other girl?